it's been a while

It's been a while since we last talked. 
Feels so far away now, the times when you used to mean the world to me.
Times when I was so happy, but at the same time so angry at myself, angry that I let myself fall so hard for you, when you weren't even there to catch me.
Funny, right? 
Sometimes I wonder why have I even loved you in the first place. But then I remember you. Your face. Your smile. The way you used to make my heart beat so fast every time you'd text me, every time you'd hug me.
All the little things remind me of you. Our songs, when they come next in my playlist, I want to avoid listening to them. I want to erase them from my playlist, from my mind. But ....I can't. And I find myself listening to those songs, singing along to the lyrics, hating myself for that. 
But you know what? It doesn't hurt that much anymore. I'm getting better.
And eventhough you left me, for someone else better, I know now that this was the best thing for me anyways. 
I don't need to breathe in your toxicity anymore. 
I don't have a heart anymore, it's been replaced with cactus spines, and nobody can get in. That's for the best.
One thing I know for sure, I will never love anyone else like I have loved you.